K.I.D.S. Church, Parenting & Everyday Life

Celebrate Life!

2011-08-15T16:03:00.010-04:00

She walked into the room and your eyes were drawn to the large vibrant purple, pink and lavender colored flowers outlined on the black background of her festive elegant long dress. Her hair was wrapped with a long piece of lavender colored silky material tied ever so carefully to outline the smooth rich brown complexion of her face. The shimmery silver see-through material draped over her shoulder accentuated her outfit that said today is day of celebration! Today we celebrate life! She was from Nigeria and this was a traditional outfit used for special celebrations. There were other people gathered on this special occasion to celebrate the 50^th birthday of a prominent godly man in their lives, each one dressed in bright festive outfits in shades of purples, blues, greens, yellows, and reds. Despite the differing patterns and colors you knew, they were from Nigeria as well! Sometimes you can tell where a person is from just by looking at them.

People also recognize those who have been transformed by God and abide in his presence. Psalm 87 talks about groups of people looking at someone and say, “This one was born in Zion.” In verse 5 it even states, “Indeed, of Zion it will be said, “This one and that one were born in her, and the Most High himself will establish her.” The Lord will write in the register of the peoples: “This one was born in Zion.”“ People recognize when you have the Spirit of Christ living in you!

Psalm 87:7 “As they make music they will sing, “All my fountains are in you.””

Ephesians 5:19 “singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.”

John 7:38 “Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”

As we go through life singing to each other and God, allowing the rivers of living water to flow from us to other people, people will recognize that we are born of God. Therefore, celebrate life extravagantly! Celebrate Life Eternal! “…Rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” Luke 10:20b

Graduating to Toilets

2011-08-08T14:30:00.006-04:00

Cleaning toilets and Children’s Ministry have a lot in common, if either one is messy, people won’t return.

The kingdom of God has often been described as the upside down kingdom. If you want to be great you must become like a child or a servant.

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” (Mathew 18:1-5, NIV)

“Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.” (Mark 10:42-44, NIV)

Recently I have had the privilege of doing some custodial work in a church. I say privilege because of the lessons that you learn and the people you are able to minister to by serving in this capacity have been eye-opening. For example: Did you know that people will overlook a little dirt in the sanctuary quicker than a little dirt in the restroom? It’s true! I have had people tell me they judge a place by the cleanliness of a restroom to determine if they will return no matter what they have to offer.

It’s also amazing what you learn about people by what they notice. A detail oriented person notices the fingerprints on the piano. A visionary likes to see clean windows. There are also those that are a mixed bag of conflicts, like the ones who wash their hands and are careful not to touch the door handle while exiting the restroom by using the paper towel to open the door, then drops the towel on the floor for someone else to pick up their germs. People are so fascinating to watch as you get to know them and each one is different!

The Bible talks about believers being part of the body of Christ. There are some parts that are more honorable than others yet each one is important! It also talks about some who are dissatisfied with their role in the body of Christ. Sometimes people get themselves into conflict or trouble by trying to be a part of the body they were not meant to be. Everyone cannot be the eye, etc. Just like in today’s society we have a glut of armchair coaches, we also have some who try to be pew-sitting pastors, people who criticize a pastor and say things like, “If I were the pastor, I would never...” It’s funny but I do not find “pew sitting pastors” as one of the parts God gave to the church for the edification of believers. Envy of other’s position because it looks more fun or is esteemed with greater honor is a problem in some churches. Fad ministries drain resources from mainstream ministries. Just because something is new and popular does not mean that God is switching you from the current ministry for which He has called you. The key to being happy and satisfied in a church is for each person to be the part God has made him/her to be. I Corinthians 12:18-20 “But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”

Just as in the body some parts have more honor than other parts, there are some ministry opportunities that have more honor than others, but each one is important. The pastor of a church seems to have the highest honor followed by others in a varying hierarchy depending upon the makeup of the church. Often the low end of honor falls on those working in the nursery of a church. After all, who wants to spend their time changing dirty diapers and wiping snotty noses? Kind of like the custodian who has to clean toilets. Children’s ministry is sometimes the last place people want to be involved and yet it is in children’s ministry where you will see some of the most dramatic growth in a person’s life. With children you are a part of molding their beliefs from the very beginning. When a child feels welcomed and loved entering a nursery his/her concept of God is one of being welcoming and loving. Children and some adults tend to think church and God are synonymous. As they grow, their understanding of God grows beyond the four walls of a building.

It’s amazing what people look for when they visit a church. Most families will look to see what you have to offer for their children upon entering a church. If it seems not much attention if given to the children or if the rooms are messy and disorganized and the teacher is haphazard in their efforts to teach the children they may not return. It’s much like the people who will not return if the restrooms are dirty. It’s amazing the similarities between having a clean restroom and a well-run children’s ministry. Not many people want to do it but it’s critical for people to want to return and be a part of what you have to offer.

It takes a special person to work with children. It’s a calling. It has been said if a person can teach a toddler they can teach anyone. I think we have it backwards sometimes. We put new teachers in with the children and graduate them to youth and adults when we should start them with adults who are more apt to overlook a few mistakes like dirt in the sanctuary and graduate them to teaching children. After all, it takes greater skill to keep the attention of a toddler than it does an adult who is practiced in focusing.

Sometimes we see children’s ministry as unimportant, and yes, sometimes gross, and yet it is vital to the growth of a church. The jobs involved with taking care of children such as changing diapers and wiping noses do not come with great honor. However, if parents see we care enough to take care of their children, they will see we have enough love to share with them as well. By loving children you love their parents. Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” Peter responded, “You know I do!” Then Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” If we love the adults in our congregation we must love what’s important to them, their children!

Just as a custodian must give special care to clean the toilets if we are to have people return a second time, we must give attention to children’s ministry if we want families to return.

Is There Life After Death?

2011-04-05T07:50:00.003-04:00

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live (John 11:25). There it is plain and simple. Yes there is life after death, but when it comes to putting to death the deeds of the flesh, why do we struggle so intensely to keep the flesh alive? Perhaps we don’t believe in life after death or perhaps it’s the survival instinct in us to fight when we feel threatened.

When Jesus was about to be crucified he prayed in the garden, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). When it comes to putting to death the deeds of the flesh, this too should be our prayer; “not my will, but yours be done.” Jesus willingly laid down his life going to the cross to suffer and die for the joy set before him (Hebrews 12:2). In this act of submission he yields that survival instinct to his heavenly father. “He was led like a sheep to the slaughter, and as a lamb before its shearer is silent, so he did not open his mouth” (Acts 8:32). Jesus focused on the “joy set before him.” It also shows us he does not have a masochistic attitude concerning life because he prayed “if you are willing, take this cup from me.

What is the “joy set before him?” The outcome of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus is the restoration of relationship between God and humanity. When we submit to crucifying our flesh, the joy set before us is the restoring of our relationship with God! When we accept Christ as our savior our relationship is restored. As we follow Christ and crucify the deeds of the flesh our relationship is being restored. And someday our relationship with Christ will be fully restored when we get to heaven.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20).

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires (Galatians 5:24).

Taste of Home!

2011-03-04T10:10:00.005-05:00

We started a new endeavor in our church to bring people together and highlight missions. Our church is unique in that we have people from 28 different countries from around the world. These are people who were born, raised and speak the language of their native country. We recently started serving coffee each Sunday morning from different parts of the globe. We have served coffee from Indonesia, Africa, South America and this week we are serving French Roast. While serving coffee, we talk about the sites, smells, and tastes of things from different parts of the world. We also highlight a missionary each week by posting information on signs displayed on the tables. We ask people to pray for the missionaries and if they feel inclined send them an offering. The adventurous spirit comes out of people as they try something different than their normal cup of coffee. Who would have thought that a simple cup of coffee would encourage people to come together and talk about their likes, dislikes, memories and the different cultures around us? Did you know that many of the Chinese people we have met would prefer to drink hot water instead of cold water or pop (soda, if your from the south)? When you meet someone from a different culture ask them what they traditionally serve guests when they visit their homes in the country of their origin. It’s a great way to open doors and begin a friendship.

Can God Make A Boulder Bigger Than He Can Move?

2011-02-25T12:24:00.005-05:00

Have you ever encountered the question, usually from someone who has no interest in becoming a Christian, “Can God make a boulder bigger than he can move?” It’s usually a smug question of philosophy to try to prove God can’t do everything. So what’s the answer to this question? The answer is “Yes!” God can make a boulder bigger than he can move. God can do anything! It happens more often than we would like to acknowledge.

You see, God created man including his heart. God’s original design was that man was created to have fellowship with God, to enjoy a friendly relationship with Him. The problem is that man has sinned and turned away from God. This takes place within the heart. Through continued disobedience and stubbornness, man’s heart becomes more and more hardened. Even to the point that God can not move it. God made the heart but men harden their hearts toward God.

However, we are not without hope! In Ezekiel 36:26 God says, “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” God may not be able to move the heart of the stubborn, but he can replace it with a new heart! So yes, God can create something He can not move, but that doesn’t stop God from moving.

Almost There!

2011-02-07T11:08:00.003-05:00

Despairing over the feeling of coming up short we approach God with a contrite heart saying, “God I’m just human and I seem to always do things wrong. My mind just does not understand spiritual things like it should. I don’t see things the way I should. I am sorry.” We then tend to read scripture about how much God loves us and we take comfort knowing that Jesus lived this life like us and was tempted just like we are. We then walk away with the feeling that God understands and because he understands we must be ok.

But we can’t help having this nagging feeling that things are still not right. Something’s missing! We keep telling ourselves, God loves me and he knows my weaknesses. We might even do the Devil you’re a liar rant and rave. But it doesn’t change the nagging feeling of disappointment within our heart. The sense of hopelessness seems to grow as we continue on this road of despair.

We come again to God and cry out, “God don’t you love me, why do I feel so bad?” And God says, “Yes, I love you with an everlasting love and I understand your situation.” We respond, “Then why do I still have this horrible feeling deep inside my heart?” And God says, ”You never asked for forgiveness. All you wanted before was to be understood and excused for your behavior. You were almost there!”

Immediately when we realize what we need is forgiveness not just excused for our behavior we cry out in repentance and say, “God have mercy on me, I have sinned!” God’s atoning work begins to take affect and we are released from our burden of sin. We no longer carry the load of guilt. Yes God loves us and understands our dilemma. But it’s not until we acknowledge our sin, believe in Christ’s atoning work and turn our lives over to God that we are set free from the power of sin in our life. If we seek for God to understand us and excuse or behavior, we still carry our sin. When we come before God and confess our sins and give no excuse he can then forgive us of our trespasses.

Which would you rather have, understanding and excused or forgiveness and freedom?

Waiting on God

2010-07-26T16:20:00.001-04:00

I waited patiently for my love to come.
Anticipation building with each moment that passed.
To see her and talk to her was all I longed for.
My wife so far away was about to appear before my eyes.
We would talk about everything that happened during the day.
Discuss our aches and pains then laugh at the funny things we heard.
The joy of being with my love is indescribable!
This is the world of skype when your loved one is so far away.

If only we could approach our time with God in this same manner.
Waiting patiently for our love to reveal himself.
Thinking only of him in anticipation.
Ready to talk about our day, our aches and pains,
Ready to laugh at the funny things in life.
Anticipating the joy set before us to be in his presence!

I wonder if He waits in anticipation for us?

2010-03-04T23:17:00.000-05:00

When you feel like you are being treated like dung being thrown from a barn, remember - even dung has value when it is used as fertilizer in a field to bring new growth.

Truth Telling

2010-02-16T18:23:00.001-05:00

Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children. - Author Unknown

New Beginnings

2009-12-26T16:03:00.002-05:00

New beginnings don’t have to start on the New Year. I look out my window and see green grass and bare trees. The sun is shining and it looks like a wonderful fall day but today is the day after Christmas. Winter has begun and the people along the east coast have 2 feet of snow yet here in Michigan we have green grass after a winter “rain?” The rain has washed all the snow and dirt away; it feels like a new start to the winter weather that is soon to come. Fresh snow will blanket the ground and everything will be covered pure white. It’s a new beginning!

We are on Christmas break from school. It’s a great time to be with family, relax and be renewed in energy and attitude. We have been off for a week with still another week to go before we head back to the “routine” of work yet it seems like I am just starting to unwind and de-stress, getting back to normal. Attitudes about work and energy expended are renewed during this holiday season. It’s time for a new beginning!

New beginnings can come at anytime of the year not just on January 1st. Soon we will be back to school and the stresses will mount and I will be looking forward to spring break when I can again be renewed and refreshed. April showers will again wash the dirty yucky snow away and flowers will begin to bloom. It will be time for a new beginning.

In 1974 during the month of April I had a new beginning that totally changed my future. It was during this month that Jesus came into my life and forgave me of my sins. My old life was washed clean like rain on a winter day washing the dirty slushy slop out of my life. Then Jesus came and put on a fresh coat, pure and white for all the world to see. I had been changed. I had been renewed. It was a new beginning!

We look to January 1st to begin a new year and hope that it will be a better year than last year. This year I hope your year is filled with New Beginnings! I pray you find those times to get away from work to de-stress and enjoy time with your spouse and family. I pray you enjoy the changes in the seasons through the year as well as the seasons of your life. But most of all, I pray you have new beginnings throughout the year being renewed and refreshed in God as you allow Him to work in your heart. New beginnings can happen any time!

The Preaching Baby

2009-10-20T21:51:00.000-04:00

Tithe Rap

2009-09-01T23:35:00.002-04:00

More "Amazing" Kids!

2009-07-10T00:32:00.000-04:00

Amazing What Kids Can Do!

2009-07-08T11:27:00.000-04:00

The Presence of God

2009-06-21T10:15:00.002-04:00

The only way a man can lose You is to leave You; and if he leaves You, where does he go? He can only run from Your pleasure to Your wrath.

St. Augustine

The Nearest Battle

2009-06-21T00:07:00.002-04:00

Want to be a winner?

Compete against yourself, not somebody else.

Beating your partner at golf doesn't neccessarily mean you shot your best game. Outrunning your rival doesn't mean you ran your best race. You can win over another and still not fulfill your potential.

It's true in all of life. To be your best, you must compete with yourself. It's life's biggest contest.

A loser is a winner -- however many his losses -- if he conquers himself.

A winner is a loser -- however many his victories -- if he loses the battle with himself. Alexander the Great conquered the world, and cursed his own lack of self-control.

Victory over others may in fact be the very thing that contributes to the winner's failure to conquer self. Winning make him proud, arrogant, independent, thoughtless -- and sometimes cruel.

To put it another way, it isn't what happens to you that makes the difference, but how you handle it.

The one who stops maturing spiritually because he thinks he knows more Scripture than others or has had more succes in ministry, is still far from being what Christ has planned for him.

It you must compare yourself with another, compare yourself with Christ. Let Him mold and fashion your life into the full potential, the divine original He intends.

Richard C. Halverson

Pearls

2009-06-08T20:24:00.002-04:00

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
'Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?'
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.
'A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.'
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, 'Do you love me?'
'Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.'
'Then give me your pearls.'
'Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite.'
'That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.' And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, 'Do you love me?'
'Daddy, you know I love you.'
'Then give me your pearls.'
'Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have m y baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.'
'That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.'
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.
As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
'What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?'
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, 'Here, daddy; this is for you.'
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.
He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

Author Unknown

Use It or Lose It

2009-05-29T23:32:00.000-04:00

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Have you ever watched that show and realized how much you have forgotten since you were in elementary school. The questions asked are common questions for elementary age children yet adults miss them all the time. It goes to show that if you don’t use the information you have, it somehow gets lost in the archives of our brain never to be heard from again. It’s not that we didn’t learn it, but it’s not readily accessible for use.

I just took my teacher certification exam. It has been 10 years since college and a lot more since my elementary days. Some of the questions seemed to be pulled out of thin air like I should have known them as general knowledge. I struggled on some of them. And oh the math! When I was in school, I liked math and I was good at it. I started reviewing some of the old formulas and tried to work some of the equations, let’s just say I’m not as good as I was at math. It took some time to find those old files in the archives of my brain because I had not used them too often in recent years. I asked my son, a freshman in high school, about one particular equation and what it was used for. He said, “You use that one in story problems.” My response was, “Not in the story problems I do. The ones I do say things like, John has 3 apples, he gives 2 away, how many does he have now?” Needless to say, I needed to spend a lot of time studying for this exam.

I am always amazed at how much information and standard procedures needs to be retaught at the beginning of each school year. You sometimes wonder if the previous teacher even taught beginning concepts to the incoming students, but you know they did. It all boils down to if you don’t use the knowledge you have, you lose it. Often children forget some of the basic principles they studied the previous year because it has not been kept in the forefront of their mind. It has somehow been put in the archives in the few months of summer vacation. Therefore, teachers often have to reteach concepts taught the previous year for the first few weeks of school before they can begin teaching new material.

So, what can we do to help our children keep this knowledge in the forefront of their minds? Keep them reading. Take time to go to the library and let them pick out fun books to read. Read with them. Show them that reading is good by doing it yourself. Have them write a letter to grandma or write in a diary or journal on a regular basis. I know it is easy to let the electronic babysitters fill the time through the summer, but take time to talk with your children and ask them to figure some things out for you. If you are working in the flower garden, ask them to figure out how much mulch you need to buy if you were going to put on a 3” layer. If you are building something, let them measure the boards. When you bake a cake, let them measure the ingredients and talk to them about what you would do if you doubled the recipe. Teach them to do the laundry and measure the soap and fabric softener. When you go to the store give them the money to count so they can purchase the items on your list. If your children are older, teach them to work out a budget and figure out how much can be spent on groceries and entertainment. These things can be fun for children and it keeps the knowledge they have learned in school readily accessible to be used when they return to school.

If we don’t keep focused on learning, we lose the knowledge we have gained. By the way, studying does pay off. I passed my teacher certification test! I am now certified to teach!

Two Kinds of People

2009-04-15T21:33:00.003-04:00

There are only two kinds of people -- those who say "Thy will be done" to God or those to whom God in the end says, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell choose it. Without that self-choice it wouldn't be Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Hell is the greatest monument to human freedom. -- C.S. Lewis

Stand By Me

2009-04-04T14:36:00.001-04:00

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

Morally Focused

2009-03-01T16:51:00.001-05:00

In third grade we use a money system for behavior reinforcement. When children do their work or go above and beyond the regular routine, they are rewarded with class money in which they can purchase prizes at the end of the month. In turn if they are not following directions they may be charged $1.00 or $4.00 for their misbehavior. One day Mrs. Dayton gave a general no talking in line speech to the class because some of the children were talking in the hallway or they would be charged $4.00 for their misbehavior. When we got back to class one young man came up to Mrs. Dayton’s desk and put $4.00 on it and exclaimed he was one of the children talking in the hallway. He was not pointed out, nor spoken to, except for the general reminder about talking; yet, he felt he should pay for his misbehavior. I have also seen children that you have to block every conceivable exit before they will admit they did anything wrong. I have spoken to children in the past and told them I saw them misbehaving and yet they still deny they did anything. My response at times has been “So you are calling me a liar, saying I didn’t see what I saw.” Often that brings them to the point of admitting what they did because they don’t want to call me a liar. They just don’t want to be in trouble.

Why do some children lie, cheat and steal while others have a very keen sense of right and wrong? Are we born with a sense of right and wrong or is it learned? In the 1940’s the top problems in schools were things like talking, chewing gum and not throwing paper in the waste basket. In comparison the 1980’s reveal the top problems as assault, robbery, rape and suicide. Why then is there such a difference in society from the 1940’s to the 1980’s? If we are born with a sense of right and wrong then it would stand to reason that problems in school would be much the same whether it was 1940 or 1980.

George Barna states in his book, Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions, “Research regarding all facets of moral and spiritual development - whether related to worldview, beliefs or behavior – shows that such development starts as early as age two. The process then progresses rather quickly. Social scientists have known for years that the moral foundations of children are generally determined by the time the individual reaches age nine. Our research confirms a parallel outcome in the spiritual dimension: By age nine, most children have their spiritual moorings in place.” He further states, “The implication of these findings is clear: Anyone who wishes to have significant influence on the development of a person’s moral and spiritual foundations had better exert that influence while the person is still open-minded and impressionable – in other words, while the person is still young.”

It’s hard to imagine but after third grade, parents and teachers have a harder time teaching morals because you have to replace existing moral foundations. That doesn’t mean it can’t be done, it’s just harder. So if a child is exposed to prejudice during the formative years it’s harder to teach a child to not be prejudice when they are older. If a child has not been held accountable for their words and actions and gotten away with lying, cheating or taking things from others during their early years, it will be harder to teach them to be a person of integrity if they feel they can get away with it.

With this in mind it is imperative that we as teachers and parents teach morals at an early age. When your child is two, teach them to not take toys from other children and they will be less inclined to steal when they are older. Don’t laugh at the cute “excuses” your children give when they are caught misbehaving and they will learn to tell the truth when they are older. Remember, you are always teaching, so be careful how you live because your children are watching.

Two T’s of a Strong Relationship

2009-02-03T21:18:00.001-05:00

Love is in the air! Can you feel it? Can you smell it? Valentines Day is just around the corner. Cards and candy fill the aisles and florists are marking up the roses in the hopes people will indulge to the point of excess in their expressions of love. Many people focus on this day to express their love, renew their vows or weep for the love that was lost or never realized. Valentines Day is a day set aside to celebrate love and relationships. But as we know it takes more than a day to develop a healthy relationship. It takes time and talking to develop and keep a strong relationship.

My wife and I first met in Florida while attending college. We met through a mutual friend as we studied in the library. After a while Julie and I started taking walks around campus, the lakes and a nearby trailer park where some friends lived. On these walks we talked. We talked about everything; friends, family, how we grew up, hopes, dreams and plans for the future. We were developing a relationship.

I had finished all my course work at school and only had to finish my internship; but our relationship was not at the point where we were ready to talk about marriage. After much consideration, I went to work with Julie’s dad to fulfill my internship requirements. We continued to talk and spend time together over the summer and finally became engaged after several more months. It took time for our relationship to develop.

We have a strong relationship today after 20 years of marriage because we still take time to talk.

Last month I wrote an article about “Rules without Relationship Leads to Rebellion.” But how do we develop a strong healthy relationship with our children? The principles are just the same. It takes time and talking. Recently my wife wrote an article about how this worked in our family and hers. She states, “Through the years, my family has made it a daily event to eat together at least one meal a day. This was a practice of my family when I was a child as well. ….. As our meal winds down, we not only dig into the food, but we dig into an ongoing conversation. You know - how was your day, what did you do, tell me what's bugging you today or why are you so excited? Each person gets a chance to talk about whatever is on their mind. I recall conversations of laughter, teasing, lengthy discussions, debates-and boy are they lengthy at my house with all these analytical minds, success stories, sadness, joy, someone sings at some point, and there is even silence. ……. These times at our table have been some of the best memories of my lifetime. I even find my children, three of which are teenagers, wanting to stay at the table and talk for hours. You may be asking how on earth did you get your teenagers to stay at the table and not go off on their own. Well, it started when they were young.” We took time to be with our children. We made it a priority to not fill up our schedule with so many sporting events, watching TV, playing video games, or working that we didn’t have time to talk with our children on a daily basis. We found that playing chauffer for our children is not the same as taking time and just talking to them.

Julie says, “You may say that's great for you, but it's not for me or my family. My family watches TV, or we each eat in separate rooms, or my teenagers work, or we eat out all the time, and the list goes on and on. This does seem like the norm in our day and age, but how do you establish a place of communication … with each other?” It doesn’t have to be dinner. Perhaps breakfast works better for your family. The key is to spend quality time talking with each other on a regular basis. Provide a safe place for your children to express what is happening in their life. And the great thing about this is that it doesn’t cost anything. In fact you can’t buy this in any store.

Valentines Day is a great day to celebrate love and relationships, but to develop and keep a relationship strong and healthy takes time and talking on a daily basis.

The Best Hot Dog Shoppe in the country!

2009-01-16T13:25:00.001-05:00

Dinner Time Talk

2009-01-11T21:49:00.003-05:00

Does your family have a set time for eating at least one meal together. Through the years, my family has made it a daily event to eat together at least one meal a day. This was a practice of my family when I was a child as well. Why is this so important to my family? Let's just open a small window into my home during dinner time. It's 5:00pm, all four children and my husband and I are sitting around a rectangular table ready to eat the evening meal. We all bow our heads for prayer. We then dig in to the good things to eat. This is just a preliminary to what's ahead. As our meal winds down, we not only dig into the food, but we dig into an ongoing conversation. You know - how was your day, what did you do, tell me what's bugging you today or why are you so excited? Each person gets a chance to talk about whatever is on their mind. I recall conversations of laughter, teasing, lengthy discussions, debates-and boy are they lengthy at my house with all these analytical minds, success stories, sadness, joy, someone sings at some point, and there is even silence. Wow, what fellowship we have together; a time of nearness, togetherness, comfort, and peace. These times at our table have been some of the best memories of my lifetime. I even find my children, three of which are teenagers, wanting to stay at the table and talk for hours. You may be asking how on earth did you get your teenagers to stay at the table and not go off on their own? Well, it started when they were young. This time was not just to eat a meal, rather, it was to fellowship together. We drew near to each other and became comfortable in each others presence. We talked about everything and anything and we did not allow the children to leave without permission. Now, they don't even ask to leave because they love this time together. We have gone through a process of time to build our relationships and have grown to love being together.

You may say that's great for you, but it's not for me or my family. My family watches TV, or we each eat in separate rooms, or my teenagers work, or we eat out all the time, and the list goes on and on. This does seem like the norm in our day and age, but how do you establish a place of communication, stability, communion, and intimacy with each other? Actually, I'd like to parallel that idea with our relationship with God. It says in Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him and he with Me." To me, for God to dine with me means I must have reached a place in my relationship with Him to be allowed into His inner circle. His place where family is totally comfortable with each other and can talk; you can even talk for hours. Now, think about your relationship with God-do you sit at His table and eat with Him or are you finding excuses to go and eat in front of the TV or at a restaurant, or maybe even eat alone. James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." Taking time daily to talk, ask questions, laugh, play, just simply be together is a great way to allow God to have fellowship with you. I remember when my children were small and did not want to sit at the table and have fellowship together. All they wanted to do was play, play, play. But, we insisted they sit, they listen to others, they participate in the conversation and they also eat. Sometimes it is hard to be patient in the Lord's presence, but through a process of time, we do grow fond of our Lord, and we are intimate with Him and we may even want to stay and talk for hours.

Julie Bungard - Thoughts Women Think

Authentic Love

2009-01-06T21:04:00.003-05:00

Love is not an emotion that comes over us or an elusive goal dependent on the actions of others. Authentic love is something within our capabilities, originating in our attitudes and culminating in our actions. If we think of love as a feeling, we shall be frustrated when we can't always work up that feeling. When we realize love is primarily an action, we are ready to use the tools we have to love better.

From Gary Chapman's book "Love As A Way of Life"

Rules without Relationship Leads to Rebellion

2008-12-31T18:13:00.001-05:00

A couple of years ago I did some substitute teaching. Most of the time it was a good experience; however there was one class I taught that I found myself in the midst of a rebellion. Whose fault was it? Mine! The age group of kids I was teaching was one of my favorite. I was looking forward to teaching this class and was expecting great things. I had a lot of experience with this age level and knew the potential that existed in children of this age. So what was my mistake that found me in the midst of this rebellion? I tried to teach a life lesson to students with whom I had no relationship. An opportunity arose in class to point out and teach a life lesson, one that you know will make a difference in the lives of the children you are teaching. I decided to make my point and it was adamantly rejected. I tried coming at it from a different perspective but it was still not received with gratitude like I just made their life better. The students didn’t go “Wow, you are an amazing teacher….Thank you for being here!” Needless to say, that set the tone in the class that they did not have to listen to me at all. And for the rest of the day it was a constant battle to get the students to do anything. My life lesson had somehow turned this great class into a rebellious mob. For the life of me, I can’t remember now what that life lesson was. I was in survival mode.

Many times as parents when we see our children beginning to get into mischief, we make up a rule to stop the behavior or just tell them what they should do or not do. If our children are watching too much TV or playing video games, we make up a rule that says you can only play video games for 1 hour a night and only if you have all your homework done. The lesson is a good one, not to waist your time; however, it sets the stage for a battle. Your children don’t see it as wasting time. They say they are just having fun. And parents, we sometimes let the TV or video games become a babysitter so that we can do the things we want or need to do. So the temptation is there to let the kids continue to play hours on end. As time passes, the kids whine and complain, “There’s nothing to do.” And the resolve to enforce the rule begins to wane. You find yourself letting your kids continue to play more and more each night, until the rule is all but null and void. The rule had no affect on the hearts of your children. Just telling a child what they should do or not do has little chance of making a difference in their life and it could lead to even more rebellion as it did in the class I taught a few years ago.

A better way to teach your children not to waist time is to take time with your children and do useful things. Take time to read with your child, even when they are old enough to read on their own. If they are teenagers read some of the same books they are reading and spend time talking to them about the series. This is especially fun when you read non-school related books. If you have a project you are working on, include your children. They love to be involved. When my dad had to work on a car, I was the tool man. And I am sure it would have been more pleasant for him without all the “what’s this” type questions I would ask. But he included me in his projects and I learned how to work on cars by being the tool man. When you cook dinner, include your children. It may not be as pretty or appetizing as you would like but it builds memories and it teaches your children how to cook. Do laundry together. Have fun sorting the clothes and tell them why you put certain clothes together and you never mix reds in your whites. When your children go off to college they will appreciate the time you spent with them, teaching them to repair things around the house, cook their own meals and how to do laundry.

These are life lessons and they are not taught by setting up rules or just telling your children what they should do or not do. They are taught in the context of the parent – child relationship. They are best taught doing it together. And to top it off, you are still getting the things done around the house that need to be done.

Parenting with Purpose!

2008-11-24T23:07:00.000-05:00

Hunting season is upon us and many stories are being swapped about the big ones that now fill the freezer or the ones they missed by inches. I’ve never been hunting but it is fascinating to listen to the stories and watch these men and women light up as they retell their stories. Growing up my dad taught me how to shoot a gun and use a bow, but it was always at targets. My dad could shoot a penny off the top of a fence post with my BB gun. My brother and I would shoot wasps as they gathered mud for their nests. All of these memories have one thing in common. Each person was aiming for a target. Whether it was a deer coming over the hill, a penny on the fence post, or wasps in the mud; each person had a goal.

Teachers have goals established by the state of Michigan that determine what they are to teach at each grade level. These are called Grade Level Content Expectations, better known by the teachers as GLCE’s (glicks). You will see these GLCE’s posted in many of the classrooms at WPCA. They remind teachers about the goals and objectives or reasons for teaching a particular lesson. Using a story the teacher not only checks fluency and comprehension but may also use the story to teach children to draw conclusions and make inferences as one of the GLCE’s established by the state of Michigan. One story may fulfill several goals.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if children came with a set of ALE’s, Age Level Expectations for morals, behavior and character development? But alas, I am afraid it is left up to us as parents to determine if our children are on target or not in their development. So what standard do we have to determine if our children are on target in their moral and character development? I often hear parents refer to their children’s behavior as being just like their mom or dad at that age. I also hear many adults talk about regrets in their life and things they would do different if given the chance. So if we see ourselves in our children, yet we have regrets about the way we have lived, how do we change our children so they don’t turn out like us and make the same mistakes?

One thing we have to keep in mind as a parent is, just like the hunter, you will never hit the target unless you aim for it. For example; if you want your child to excel in school, you have to establish education as a priority. Let’s say you didn’t do well in school, but you want your children to do well and go on to college even when you didn’t. How do you model this? Parents can do this by showing an interest in their child’s school work. Not just looking at their report card and giving them money for every “A” but taking time to work with their child on their homework on a daily basis. This shows a child that school work is important because mom and dad take time for it. It also doesn’t hurt for us to brush up on what we missed in school when we were there.

What are the important things you as a parent would like to see in your child’s life? Is it being a person of high moral character? Remember, statistics show that the moral foundations of a child are established by the age of 9, so start young. Do you want your children to have strong healthy relationships? Then show them what commitment is and that love is a choice not just a feeling. If you allow your child to learn about love from TV, the movies or off the street, they are not getting a healthy view of love. Take time to talk to them. Teach them to forgive and not hold a grudge or become angry and bitter when life throws a curve. Define what’s important for your child to not just survive life’s struggles but to excel in living.
This is called Parenting with Purpose!

Rules Without Consequences is Little More Than Advice

2008-10-14T21:52:00.003-04:00

As a parent we often have to deal with discipline within our own family. In the old days Moms would say, “Wait till your father gets home.” Which would be followed by a certain dread that when your dad would arrive home, you just knew you were in for a spanking. In the old days teachers and principals would spank kids for misbehavior. My one and only paddling in school was for throwing a piece of paper at another student in eighth grade study hall on the last day of school before Christmas break. In the old days it seemed discipline was equated with spanking.

It is said, “People don’t change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” Today we know that spanking is not the catch all answer for every discipline situation. Some children do not respond to physical pain, as others do. For some children, if you simply express your disappointment, they feel crushed that they have brought on this disappointment by their behavior. The key to good discipline is learning the temperament of your children and finding out what works as a deterrent for them. Some children cannot stand time out; while others love the alone time. Some children love to be sent to their room because they have all the latest game systems, etc. and it gives them a chance to play. The idea behind consequences is to make your child feel that it is better to do what is right because it doesn’t feel good to do the wrong thing.

The consequence also should fit the misbehavior. If a child steals something, you wouldn’t say, “No ice cream for you tonight.” No, you would have the child return the item and apologize to the person from whom they stole. There are times a parent may also talk with their child about what the consequence should be. I spoke with one parent who talked with their son about a consequence for misusing his cell phone. The young man said he would rather have his driving privileges taken away than to lose the use of his cell phone. This wise parent took away the use of his cell phone. She did this because the consequence fit the misbehavior and she knew it would have the greatest impact on him, not wanting to repeat the offence. The only problem with consequences that involve time is when parents give in to the complaints of their child or the child puts on a sad, puppy dog type of look and they cut the time short before the consequences have had the desired effect. If we give no consequence for misbehavior, then we fail to fulfill our role as a parent.

Our school has put together a system of discipline in which students who misbehave go through a graduated series of steps in order to teach them to listen and follow directions. It is also the goal of moral focus and character development for students to learn to do what is right, even when there are no consequences for breaking some rule. We strive to be a positive influence in the lives of each child so they will learn and grow to be a young man or woman of character.

It’s not a fun task disciplining the children you love. We as parents and educators would love to just have a good time with our kids and say, “That’s ok ….just don’t do it again.” But if we do not follow through with consistent consequences for misbehavior, we are, in essence, letting our children stay the way they are or worse, teaching them they can misbehave and nothing will happen. It will be a much harder lesson when they grow and realize society frowns when laws are broken. Rules or boundaries without consequences is little more than advice.

Masterpiece

2008-09-29T20:26:00.002-04:00

Delores Kessler, a friend from Illinois, painted this picture of my daughter from the original seen below. She is a fantastic painter. This will be added to the collection of paintings she has done for the rest of my kids.

Original

2008-09-20T20:29:00.001-04:00

The Vaule of a Church

2008-09-14T22:39:00.002-04:00

Is the value of a church wrapped up in the amount of ministries it has or how many attend Sunday morning worship? Perhaps it's the booming metropolis that surrounds the church that gives the church "potential." The value of a church is found in the price that Jesus paid on the cross in order for it to exist

When Lead to Pray for Someone:

2008-08-18T23:06:00.003-04:00

Don't focus on the fact that you prayed at a specific time and someone was healed or helped, but rather you had the compassion to pray when the Holy Spirit reminded you about them.

If I can perform miracles but don't have love, I am nothing.
I Corinthians 13

Thank God for Love!

Starting Strong - Finishing Well

2008-08-18T22:10:00.001-04:00

A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them. Liberty Hyde Bailey

While traveling on vacation this summer, we stopped at my dad’s house in Ohio. Dad is retired now and putts around the house doing various odd jobs. He showed us his latest endeavor updating the living room with the purchase of new furniture and a wide screen TV. In the center of the living room is a huge coffee table with built in storage. On top of the table sits a plant luscious and green. The vine from this plant is wrapped several times around the pot to prevent it from falling to the floor and being trampled. We were amazed at how well this plant was growing.

I must confess, we have not had much luck with plants in our home or outdoors. Our neighbors have beautiful yards speckled with vivid purple, blue, red, yellow and white flowers expertly placed for proper sunshine and eye appeal. We thank them on a regular basis for their hard work and tell them how much we enjoy looking out our window at their yard. Don’t get me wrong, we have attempted to plant a few things in our yard and had several plants in the house. Let’s just say they don’t look as good as the neighbors. OK, I’ll be honest. We haven’t had a plant live much past 6 months in our house and usually they die within the first couple months. When I was younger I even killed a cactus.

I never seem to get the right combination of food, water and sunshine on a consistent basis. It usually starts well. We set the plant in a place where it will get maximum sunshine. We water it on a regular basis and sit back to watch our little darling grow and blossom. But somehow life begins to happen and the next thing we know our plant is wilted and brown, the dirt is hard and cracked from dryness. We attempt our form of CPR for plants and drown it in water thinking it will be ok in a few days only to see the plant further decay and lose leaves.

Consistency with watering, giving proper nutrients and the right amount of sunshine is the key to having a plant thrive; as is proper rest, healthy food and time to study vital to our children’s education.

We usually start strong establishing a bed time for our children, packing healthy food and telling our children they must do their homework as soon as they get home from school. However, life happens and we find ourselves grabbing McDonald’s at 8:30 because our children had a game. Then after eating and getting baths we send the kids off to bed at about 10:00 only to find Junior had a major project due the next day and he needed dowel rods to finish it.

In order to keep a proper balance in our children’s life, we sometimes have to say “NO.” And moms and dads, it’s OK to say no - you are not depriving your children when you are striving to keep sanity in your schedule. Your children will flourish because you keep them in balance. Control life or life will control you. This takes effort.

We are going to try it again this year. My dad cut a few starts from the plant on the coffee table. He assured me you can’t water it too much. It’s growing roots right now as it sits in a jar of water. He also said my sister left one of these plants at a house for up to two weeks and it was still doing fine sitting on top of the refrigerator. Don’t ask me what kind of plant it is. Right now it’s green and that’s all that matters.

Language Arts – The Study of Communication

2008-08-18T22:07:00.001-04:00

Communicating with our children seems like an easy task. After all, we all speak the same language……don’t we? I mean, you as a parent taught your sons and daughters their first words and were there all through their developing years. So why does it seem like we are talking a foreign language when we try to communicate with our children. You tell them it’s time to clean up their room and they look at you as if they don’t understand a word your saying. Perhaps the problem is in our definition of clean and their definition of clean. In their mind, there is nothing growing under the bed, so the room must be clean. But in our mind, unless we see our reflection in the shine on the dresser, the room is not clean. The conflict of communication is sometimes in the understanding of the definitions of the words we speak or our actions.

Growing up with my brother, you always had to be on your toes. When he would come home from school, my mom would ask him the usual questions….”How was your day?” My brother loved this time with mom and would start telling her about his day. Every now and then, he would notice my mom not really listening. When he did, he would keep his same tone and start throwing in outlandish tales of pink elephants or what ever else came to his creative mind to see how long it would take mom to come back from her daydream. This was usually with a question like, “What are you talking about?” The longer it took mom to catch on the more he was amused by her reaction.

Summer time is just about here. With it comes, long lazy hot days filled with baseball games, swimming, picnics, vacations and lots of down time for our children. With all this time on their hands that is usually filled with school related activities, we must make some choices as to how to fill that time. We can let them play video games, sit around watching TV, getting into mischief or we can make this summer a meaningful time with our family. Have you ever wondered if your children really know that you love them? The typical response is of course they know I love them, I take them to all their sporting activities, they have plenty to eat and a roof over their head and I make sure they have decent clothes to wear. What if their definition of love is different from your definition of love?

There is a book on the market called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In the book, Dr. Chapman talks about how people have five different interpretations of love or how they feel loved. The first is physical touch, giving a hug or a kiss good night. Perhaps you’ve noticed your child likes to snuggle when watching TV. Their love language may be physical touch. The second is words of affirmation; telling them how much you appreciate them and what a great job they are doing. Ever notice your child start to glow after you give them a complement? Their love language may be words of affirmation. Acts of service is the third love language usually displayed when someone does something to help another person. Sometimes it’s doing dishes or picking up the clutter around the house. When you pick up things for your kids do they really appreciate it or act as if that’s your job. Fourth is giving of gifts. This is not buying extravagant gifts but perhaps picking up a pack of gum when you are at the store and letting your child know you were thinking of them. The fifth is quality time, spending meaningful time just talking. My brother loved it when he had mom’s full attention. His love language was quality time.

Love languages can change over time as well, so it’s important to speak all five love languages to your children or spouse. However, there is generally one specific love language that really makes them feel loved. Do you know what that one is? Let’s spend the summer learning what love language our spouse and children understand and speak it loud and clear. Let them know they are loved.

Children, Language, Love, Parenting, Parent

Permission Granted?

2008-05-05T08:45:00.002-04:00

Do we give our children permission to be immoral? How absurd! Who would even think that we would give our children permission to misbehave? The question itself is so far out there we would never even consider the possibility that we sometimes give our children permission to misbehave. Well, at least intentionally we don’t give them permission.

Johnny was your average student. He made decent grades, was well liked by his classmates and didn’t get into trouble too often. One day, Johnny’s teacher caught him cheating on a test. She takes his paper and gives him a “0” for cheating and calls mom to let her know what happened. Upon hearing the story, mom responds with, “There is no way that could have happened. My son does not cheat. He is a bright young man….It must have been the other boy copying off Johnny.”

Sound familiar? I am afraid to say, it is a typical scenario heard all too often by teachers, principals, and others responsible for caring for children when they have to talk to parents about the misbehavior of their child. The parent automatically takes the side of their child and defends them without really listening to the facts. It’s a normal response to defend your child when you feel they are being attacked. And when a teacher, principal or child care worker talks to a parent about their child’s misbehavior, it can be perceived as an attack against the character of their child. So watch out! You better not say anything bad about my child!

The problem with this scenario is the misperception of the intent of a child care provider. When a teacher, principal or other child care worker talks to a parent about their child’s misbehavior, it is not to just say how bad a person your son or daughter is, but rather, to ask for assistance in helping correct behavior. Parents are the most influential person in a child’s life and there are times a teacher needs “backed up” when trying to correct the behavior of a child. It’s not that they are trying to gang up on a child but to have parents reinforce the principles that are trying to be taught. Sometimes a simple, “You need to listen to your teacher,” is enough coming from a parent.

So how should we respond when someone talks to us about our child’s misbehavior? First, listen to the person giving the report as objectively as possible. I know this can be hard. Second, ask your son or daughter to hear their side of the story. This can be done in front of the person giving the report or at a latter time. Enquire about the circumstances. Attempt to see the whole picture. Third, if needed, go back to the person who gave you the report and discuss the scenario from your child’s understanding. This is all with the focus to see “what really happened.” By having a goal to see what really happened, a parent can deal with the misbehavior in an appropriate way. It would be worse for a child to be falsely accused and a parent not listen to their child and discipline them according to hear say. Something to keep in mind when listening to a report about your child’s misbehavior is this, the person giving the report is not out to “get your child,” nor are they doing this to malign the character of your child. This is not an attack!

After you have the whole picture, you, as a parent, can take appropriate steps in helping your child’s teacher or principal correct misbehavior. When we as parents refuse to look at what is happening in our child’s life and always come to their defense without looking at the whole picture, we are in essence giving them permission to misbehave because we are not correcting their misbehavior. We are rather excusing it away.

It truly would be absurd for us to continue giving our children permission to be immoral.

The Model Parent

2008-04-23T23:02:00.001-04:00

When we think of a model parent, we think of the perfect parent. They do everything just right, their children are perfect in everyway, and they never have any problems or concerns because…..life is just perfect. Well, as we know, parenting is anything but perfection and bliss all the time. It takes work and effort. It takes a lot of sacrifice to care for these darling bundles of joy that have been bestowed upon us in our early years of adulthood. God knew we wouldn’t have the energy to raise children when we were older. That’s when we become grandparents.

Who then is the model parent? We all know people who are good parents and a very small percentage of people we might even call great parents. But a model parent; …. I don’t know anyone who I would classify as a model parent, definitely not myself. In fact, I don’t know anyone who would even classify themselves as a model parent. After all, it is the job that is given to us when we have no experience or skills to match the task that lies before us. Perhaps our definition of a model parent needs to change a bit.

There is a teaching technique that is used at the school called modeling. This is where the teacher demonstrates a technique or procedure for the students to learn or imitate. We all know children are fantastic at imitating those they see. How many times have we heard something come out or our child’s mouth and realize, “That sounds just like me.” We see expressions, temperaments and behaviors that remind us of ourselves. Sometimes we have conflicts with our children because they are just like us. When we see the things we struggle to change in our own life show up in our children, we strive all the more to change them. And the children feel perfectly justified in their behavior because they are getting it from us.

So perhaps the model parent shouldn’t be looked at as “the perfect parent,” but rather as a modeling parent. The things we would like to see in our children, we ought also to be modeling in front of them. If we want our children to obey the rules, shouldn’t we? When the sign says speed limit 35, shouldn’t we be going 35. Pulling out of the parking lot, the sign says, “Right Turn Only.” So why is it ok for us to turn left? If we want our children to respect the principal and teachers in our school, we should watch what we say about them around the dinner table. If we want our children to have the intrinsic value of obeying rules, we should model that to our children. Why are we surprised when our children misbehave the way they do, when we demonstrate to our children that it’s ok to disobey rules or laws when nobody is around to enforce them or catch us? We are teaching our children to do the same as we do.

Being a good parent is more than just telling your children what they should or should not be doing but showing them how to live by modeling it in front of them. A “Model Parent” is actually a Modeling Parent.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

2008-04-23T22:55:00.003-04:00

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang up my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I LOOKED....and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

By Mary Korzan

Moms and dads are the most influential people in a child’s life. Yes, teachers, friends and other family members have influence, but none are as influential as mom and dad. I find it amazing that the longer I live the more I see my mom or dad in the mirror, sometimes even the qualities I never wanted.

My mom and dad taught me about commitment by staying married until his childhood sweat heart passed away. Dad taught me respect by not letting me talk back to my mom even when I was a teenager. They taught me that school was important because if I got into trouble at school, I would be in trouble at home. Parenting is done more by what a child sees than by what he or she hears.

The things in life that are important to us are our priorities. Priorities are what we do, not what we say. If school is important we make sure that our children get enough sleep, eat a healthy breakfast and get to school on time. This enables the best opportunity for our children to get a good education. When family is a priority we make sure we spend time together like having a sit down dinner without distractions to talk about the day. The things that are most important to us we make time for.

Have you ever stopped to examine what your priorities are? One way to do this is to write down what you do in a day. Do this for a week to ten days. As you record your time you will see your priorities jump off the page. The trouble sometimes is not what we see on the page but what you don’t see. For example: Most people feel reading is vital; however, if on your daily schedule you don’t see time where you either read to your children or you turn off the TV and other distractions and let your children read for fun, then reading is not important. The love of reading doesn’t just happen. We have to show our children it’s important by us taking time to read.

Moms and dads are the most influential people in a child’s life. So remember, when you drop off your children at school the priorities you establish at home still influence your children even when you are not present. The life we live in front of our children now will be seen in your child’s mirror when they grow up.